izzyizzyizzy

Chapter 62: RAINING. DOGS. CATS. FRUIT. NINJA.

So after I finish writing this I’m going to poop and hit the road.  Not literally hit the road like OMG I’M JUST GONNA SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF THE ASPHALT BECAUSE IT INSULTS MY LIFESTYLE.  More along the lines of I will go for a jog.  I have this route in my neighborhood that is 2 miles long - so I can run distances divisible by 2 miles along this pathway and still be close enough to walk home should it get really nasty outside weather wise or if I sustain some sort of knife/gunshot wound and need to get home without spilling my body contents all over my hometown.  My neighborhood is pretty safe - I’m probably the most threatening thing on the street anyways.  Cuz you know… I’m brown.

Anyways, my body weight is has fluctuated in the 200lb range.  I weigh myself every day, in triplicate, because science.  I just took my preworkout powder (it tastes horrible but makes me feel tingly) so I’m rushing to finish this writing so I can HIT THE ROAD —- FIGURATIVELY.  I will weigh myself right now.  I’ll be back.

5/21/13
20:32
203.9 lbs

It’ll probably drop a pound or two after I use the toilet.  I want to record my weight over the course of forever, and with the particular times.  Then I want to graph my weight over time and with enough data, eventually graph my weight over the course of a day.  Then I can possibly plot a graph of how my weight fluctuates over the course of a day and see if there is a circadian rhythm involved with it.

So to wrap this up, I have three goals in mind due by the end of June.  Specifically 6/29/13.

Goal 1: Weigh under 190lbs.

Goal 2: Run a 5km race under 26 minutes

Goal 3: Be able to bench 145 lbs - 1 set - 30 reps

The first goal is relevant because the moon of my life will return and I want to look hot - in case my personality is minus minus.  The latter are relevant because I’m planning to do the Hoboken Pump and Run - and if I achieve both of those items, my final time will be sub 20 minutes - and that would be awesome because I will be closer to being able to chase down bears and punch them really really hard.

I feel tingly now.  The preworkout has kicked in.  I will go use a toilet and then run into the night.  I should have worn reflective colors.

Chapter 61: What do you mean like a sentence?

7 words, close enough.  I actually asked for five, but I got seven, so I guess I win.  Ummm, Scnitzels.  There are words in my head about white sausages so everything and anything that I write will come out very nonsensical.  It’s not like everything I generally say isn’t nonsensical.  But holy crap my typing skills have deteriorated.  I probably sound like a broken record player - because I’ve written about those two things before.  Specifically and explicitly: my nonsense words coming out of my fingertips, and my poor typing skills.  I’m speaking out loud as I write this in the monotone voice of Asian Reporter Trisha Takanawa.  My voice really does not sound like this when I normally speak.  My fingers do not move as fast as my brain.  My brain is a Kenyan on cocaine and rocket boots.  So I’ve been pooping alot more lately.  Either it is a side effect of my fever, of the thermogen I’ve been taking, or a delayed effect of food poisoning from Friday.  I tried to grill some mussels at one of my kid’s barbecues - I’m hoping I managed to throw away all of the dead mussels.  Eating bad seafood es no bueno.

Nehehehehehehehe.   I like imgur.  I’m abusive though, so nevermind.

My train of thought has derailed - it has come off the line and crashed into a tree.  TREES AFLAME LIKE MARBRAND.

So I’ve managed to get my weight under 205 lbs.  Now to get it under 200 consistently.  FYEAH FASTER BEAR.  I can’t concentrate on the things that I want to write so I’m just going to keep writing.  I will hate myself when I read this later.  I JUDGE MYSELF.  BURN WITH THE FIRES OF A THOUSAND SUNS WITH MY LASER BEAM EYEBALLS OF ROBOT UNICORN LOVE.

I will stop writing.  Nyarp! Nyarp!

Nevermind.  So I found this 5k at the end of June in Hoboken.  It is a fundraiser for the Wounded Warrior Project.  Link can be found here: http://www.hobokenpumpandrun.com/

It’s called the Hoboken Pump and Run.  It’s on June 29th, or whatever.  I’m thinking it’s a Sunday morning, rain is falling.  Nevermind, looked at it.  It’s on a Saturday afternoon.  The basic idea is that I bench a 145+ ish weight whatever so many times, and based on what I push, my race time will be deducted.  After I do bench pressing, I’ll go do a 5k.  It’s like two of the things I want to be able to do.  Double Fist Punch a bear and then RUN FORE MY LIFE OVER A 5000m DISTANCE AWAY.  DRAGON PUNCH!!!

Chapter 60: Master of Engineering

From a letter I wrote:

I’ve started reading CNN, and alot of the time, I’m not sure how to take anything I read - because anything I read could’ve been written with an ulterior motive, or some bias - and that is reflected in the opinion of the writing.  I can take in information and words, but there’s no way I can just simply accept what’s stated as fact or opinion to be true.  I guess this is what it means to be critical or objective.  It reminds me alot of this one course I took as part of my masters degree - Strategies and Principles of Biomedical Design.  We really didn’t learn much about actual design - but more it was about learning how to be critical when it comes to designs, why people do things, what a better way to do things would be.  Maybe that’s actual design - and I’m just full of it, but that course has really taught me to never take anything at face value anymore - at least in terms of what I read.  I did this one critical review of a hip replacement that consists of a double joint.  Usually you have a cup and a ball shaped end.  This one had the ball shaped end fit into a cup, which fit into another cup.  The ball shaped end and the cup both articulated - and supposedly it helped in preventing dislocation of the artificial hip joint.  But then I look at it and I’m like - but wait, you have more moving parts, which means a greater degree of mechanical erosion.  Is this “innovation” worth the risks involved, or the investment?  It’s one thing if something works better - but as an engineer - is the improvement worth the investment?  So much going on in this world honey.

So much goes on in the world, and in our lives.  They say life is short.  I’ve also heard that statement is wrong because it’s the longest thing we ever do.  But still, it’s pretty short, and there’s only so much we can fill it with before we all pass on.  On community, they said something pretty deep about life - that it’s only worth a damn because it’s short… and that we need to fill it with every mistake and miracle that we could possibly imagine - and then we have to let go.

Wow I’m writing so much - but long story short - short life short, but there’s so much going on that it could be impossible to understand it all.  It could be simpler and happier to just take what’s in front of us and just go with that - and make judgments on that instead of trying to take the entire world in an objective view.  Maybe I’m being cynical (probably not), or maybe I’m just doing what the last five years has successfully trained me to do.

I should probably try to read different sources of news to get a better understanding of the world, but again - how much time do I have left?  And how much time do I have to just spend on trying to understand the world around me while I still have a life ahead of me that I need to live.  And how much of this information that comes into my ears is actually valid and needs me to objectify and analyze and what not.

This is probably what I get for not keeping up with current events since … ever.  The past five years I spent my face in textbooks and peer reviewed journals.  On the bright side, it has gotten to the point where I can no longer read anything without being the slightest bit suspicious of anything.  Instead of being a better engineer, maybe I’m paranoid - that there’s always something biased or wrong about what I’m writing.

On the other hand - do I have the time to worry about all that?  Maybe I should just take in what I can - and leave the worrying to people who’ve lives to waste.  Nothing good ever came out of worrying.  Probably the best advice I’ve ever gotten was - “Why worry?  It won’t make you get a better score on the MCAT.”

I like writing on this desktop - either I feel better mentally right now, or this desktop is so much more comfortable to write on.

I like these epiphany things though.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from college - be a bit more critical of what you read or are told - and worry a lot less… or don’t worry at all.  Maybe I’ll live happier.

Looking at that last paragraph, it sounds so hypocritical in some sense LOL.  4th wall breach suckas.

And yeah, I write letters.  I’m gangster like that.

Chapter 59: Awkward

This’ll be my last post as an undergraduate.  Or a college student really.  After sometime closer to noon (I’m dual degree so I’m in the BACK… like back of the bus), I’ll no longer be a college student and part of the regular world.

Percentage.  lol.

Let’s do this.

Chapter 58: Evasion

Finished.  Completed.  Done.  So many words to describe it.  In a week or so’s time I will no longer be a college student and the “rest of my life” as I described it will happen.  So much to do.

Not entirely sure why - but maybe I feel a bit bitter.  At least to the extent I’m fine with just going as is.  I’m not going to be that guy who’s still around for 6+ years that nobody wants around but everyone’s too polite to say anything to - creepin’ around like a cockroach - can’t get rid of him.

I’m in no mood to write.  Alot of these people I’ll probably never see again in my lifetime.  Some I’d prefer to never see again - just given how stupid/petty they can be talking down about other people for no good reason.  Then again I do that all the time LOL.  But I’m generally yelling it to their faces while everyone’s laughing.  I’m a bit of an unfriendly individual.  Then again it’s always possible we’ll run into each other again.  I ran into an old classmate of mine at my MCAT review course last summer.  The last time I saw him prior was middle school about 8 years prior.  Funny.

But I’m fairly confident 90% of the people I know now I’ll never see again - and I’m probably fine with that.  Peace out yo.  It’s been good knowing you.

Day 04 - a song that calms you down

I really don’t listen to music to calm down.  Lol.  I either listen to songs because they sound nice to me or that it helps me concentrate.  My taste is eclectic (maybe?) and when I concentrate I like to listen to things that are loud and probably angry.  I don’t have alot of happy music.   Let me think…

Hana Kimi OST - Xie Xie Ai (Instrumental)

I think that would be the correct referral.  But yeah - it’s from this Taiwanese drama I’ve watched.  I don’t care much for what the actual song is about, but this song slows my pace at least - when I listen to it.  I like it.  I really would like to learn how to play something like this actually.  I would’ve said “Up - Married Life” but that song would send me on an emotional rollercoaster from happy to sad to happy then really sad since I can remember so clearly what happens in that strip of the film.  I’d go from cheery to outright depressed.  But yeah - this song on the other hand is just slow paced and keeps me there.  Closest thing to being calm.

Chapter 57: Blatantly obvious

So I was looking over some of the old stuff I write.  WHAT WAS I THINKING LOL?  But yeah, I think that goes for looking over anything ancient that I used to have - old pictures of myself.  Old writing assignments.  It’s fascinating how you can look back at relics of your past and know it’s the same and not the same person who did all that.  I like to think I’ve changed - or grown? over the years.  Not really.  Whatever.

One of my friends thinks I’m mature.  Another one of my friends thinks really highly of me.  I think that’s sort of funny since I don’t particularly view myself in those lights.  But maybe I am - comparatively, and I simply don’t see it.  Sometimes it’s easy to get lost on the nitty gritty details and miss the bigger picture.  Bigger picture.  Eagle baby.

We did this team building/leadership workshop type of event back in March.  It was the same day as the dance competition my friend and I competed in.  They did this classification thing where people could be categorized as Dominant (risk-taking, bold) - Influence (social, emotional) - Steadiness (harmonic, supportive) - Conscientous (logical, planning).  We did this quick little survey thing to serve as a profiler - and I ended up with a S/D type of alignment, which is apparently odd because they fall in opposite sides of the spectrum.  D and I alignments go along the lines of being active/outgoing whereas S and C are more passive/reserved personalities.  D and C are task oriented, while I and S are people oriented.  Bipolar?  lol.  Nah, but I ended up with scores that were relatively well rounded but with S and D in the highest part.  I don’t recall why I’m writing about this now.  But I guess maybe I’m a fairly well rounded person.  I like to gamble depending on the situation.  I also honestly enjoy supporting other people.  I’m a nerd so it usually turns out I prefer helping other people with school stuff - but if I manage to become a doctor, it’s a whole different story.

I like to think I’m a fairly private person.  Doesn’t make sense that I’m writing in this crap where people can see it.  But whatever, it’s not like I’m writing with any intention for someone to read.  Maybe I am.  This is what I do when I have nobody to talk to :> yayayayayay.  Not really.  But some things are blatantly obvious when you look at it, and I guess I’m that way.  Maybe.  But to be fairly honest, I’m not particularly concerned with what a lot of other people think.  In my opinion, life’s about being happy.  Why be concerned with other people’s opinions?  Of course, this always goes to a reasonable extent.  Let’s be practical.  Not like I can not care about how an employer thinks of me.  I need to find and keep a job - right?  And I guess - in the long run, it’s not where you go, but whether or not you did it right to get there, right?  Not some of that means justifies the end crap - because that can get out of hand, but I’m thinking more along the lines of - if I keep myself happy through the course (minus petty stupid things), then this game of life is more of a victory in the end.  I have no idea what I’m saying really - but I think in the end, I’m not terribly concerned with what most other people think - and I just gotta keep those I care about happy - and I’ll be happy.  Just gotta work hard and all my dreams will be realized.

I’ve about a month left til graduation.  Craaaaaazy.  This next month - I gotta make everything count.  Pass all my classes.  Figure out how I’ll earn a living.  Figure out what I’ll do for the rest of my life.  Crazy.  But I think - once I figure out how to earn money - and buy a car, most of the logistical issues will be out of the way.  Then I just gotta grind ‘til that stone shines like a jewel.

Communication is key.

Day 03 - A song that reminds you of one/both of your parents

Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father

I have a thing for sad songs.

Perhaps cliche.  I’m fortunate to still have both my parents.  This song’ll make me cry regardless though.  But to be fairly honest, I think I’m terrified … I dread the day that I’ll receive that phone call that anything should happen to either of them.  But I’ll have to face it.  Both my parents are getting old.  It’s bound to happen, hopefully much much later than sooner.  I can’t even think straight now.  I’m listening to this and pouring tears all over my shirt.  But yeah - maybe I’ve written about this before, but I only recall once seeing my father cry - and it set such a strong impression on me.  He got a call from back home that my grandmother passed away.  I’ve never seen him break down like that in my life.  I think my pops is a strong person - or at least a very happy person, so to see him like that really hit me.  Once he hit his 50th birthday, Bernie Mac passed away around the same time - also at the age of 50.  It could’ve been him instead.  At this point, anything can happen.  I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to either of my parents.  I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to anyone I cared about really.

Times like this I feel like I’m racing against an hourglass that’s been cemented to the ground.  The least I can do for my parents is to make something out of myself while they’re still around - so they can see my success - so they can know they did their jobs right.  

I’m such a wreck.  lovely.  I think I’ve cried more times this year than the rest of my life - and it’s sort of stupid really because I haven’t lost anything.  Pretty much everything in my life is going on the right track.  I’m just… terrified that it can and will actually happen.  Maybe it’s graduation that’s really setting on me - nothing lasts forever.  I’ll have to come to terms with everything really - and life will go on.  All the time in the world is something I don’t have.

I’m so stupid.

Happy Izzy Day.  My parents are still around for me to love them.

Chapter 56: Dream come true

Bweeeeee.  I should be doing work right now, but I’m writing in this silly little thing - perhaps it’s a break.  I’ve been on a ‘break’ since the end of Friday - but I like to think I’ve earned it. :>

So it’s been a long while since I’ve written and there’s a whole lot that’s gone on since then.  Not entirely sure where to start since I’ve already finished.  But here goes.

Last week ESC hosted Unity Freestyle (cohosted w/Five Elements) and Unity Show - and I gotta say, all that work paid off in the end.  I can’t really explain the feeling of success I felt after all that went.  The past couple weeks went by really quick - I must say.  Combination of Unity EVERYTHING and orchestra rehearsal - plus classes and all that.  I really have no idea where to start…

Well - perhaps I’ll start with Freestyle.  So on Tuesday evening we (myself and some of the five elements bros) went shopping for Unity Freestyle.  Bought lots of burger meat, hotdogs, bread for both - lots of water/soda - lots of everything.  Wednesday - it was set for rain, so we had Freestyle in the gym.  It was a bit of a concern since that meant an additional expense due to physical plant setup.  Additionally, because of that, the carnival booth vendor would be delayed due to the time the gym would be opened and the time it would take for the tarping to be completed.  End result = a mess with setup.  However, things turned out for the better with the tarping being started earlier than booked - plus the tent setup going super quick - everything arriving on time.  Everything turned out just well.  Event started.  People showed up.  People stayed.  I operated the grill with a couple other eboard members.  It was fun.  I like cooking - it’s relaxing.  I gotta say though, standing in front of an open flame for 3 hours starts to hurt after a while.  It got to the point where I took my gloves off and noticed vapor rising off of it.  My fingertips were all burned, haha.  But it was fun - and I’m really happy with the turnout of the event.

If things aren’t working out the way I want - then clearly I’m not working hard enough.

So next days later - Unity Show.  I put together this super OCD spreadsheet on what all of us would be doing during the day.  How much we stuck to the plan?  Not very.  lol.  Day started with dress rehearsal - which was pushed back SO much because of delays with setup.  Tarping of the gym always takes forever, so our stage vendor started late.  The biggest issue though was electrical - we apparently had no electrician booked until 3pm.  The stage, lighting, and sound was supposed to be done by noon~1pm.  Definitely ended up with a good half hour delay on rehearsal during the day.  Order of rehearsal was switched up all over - prior to the show everything was nicely hectic.  Doesn’t help that I had to leave early due to mandatory orchestra rehearsal.  Doesn’t help that I didn’t know where everything was and whether or not everything was in place.

I left.  But you know what?  I wasn’t too worried.  Not that I have stupid faith that everything would turn out for the best - but even if I wasn’t there, the rest of my eboard was - and because of that everything was in good hands.  Just because rehearsal was messy - doesn’t necessarily mean the show itself would be.  Besides, I trust that my eboard’ll be able to do it.  Together we can do anything. You know it.  By the time I got back - everything was going so smoothly.  I got back by the end of BSU’s performance.  The newscast videos and the MCs were working out fairly well.  Each of the performances were exciting.  Everyone was on top of their game.  I was expecting to do a whole lot more firefighting by the time I got there - but no.  I had a chance to just chill and enjoy the show at some points.

At the end - in my opinion, I think anyone could’ve taken the gold home.  Everything really did turn out well and it was such a great show.  I can’t explain how I felt that evening - how much I felt like I’ve won at life - because I did.

All of our hard work really paid off I think.  Every drop of blood, sweat, and tears was well worth spilling.  Would I do it again?  Maybe.  Maybe.  Twice is enough for me for now though.  I’ve the rest of my life to figure out now.

My week ended with orchestra performance.  In a nutshell - it was so much fun to play in the orchestra.  I’m a little sad I didn’t get involved so much sooner in my college career - now that I’m graduating.  The entire experience was fun overall.

I think - in the end, I’ve managed to find a great way to end my college career.  Awesome Unity Week.  Awesome experience with the Stevens Orchestra.  Only a month left really before I move on - and I already feel like I’ve finished on a good note.  It can only get better with every passing day.

Day 02 - A song that reminds you of your most recent ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

Mmmm - invalid.  I’ve never had an ex, and I don’t have the intention to change that fact.  I like to get things right the first time around - this included.  Besides, that would be kind of cool in my opinion.  Maybe I’m naive - or idealistic.  Maybe I’m silly.  Maybe I’m full of myself for thinking this way - but it’s like whatever.  As per my littel: “Izzy wins so much at life.” - so I might as well act like it.  I’m as awesome as I think I am - so I might as well think I’m very awesome.  Therefore I am very awesome.  Nobody’ll take that away from me.

37:06:26.  Crazy.